Historical Journals and Their Writers

Background on the Journals and Their Writers

Throughout history, personal diaries and journals have provided invaluable glimpses into the minds of great thinkers, explorers, and artists. From grand discoveries to quiet moments of self-reflection, these journals capture the raw emotions and experiences of their time.

Christopher Columbus’ journal details his discovery of the New World—though the indigenous inhabitants might dispute the term. Samuel Pepys, a London bureaucrat, chronicled daily life in 17th-century England, including the Great Fire of London, often with more concern for his wine than public safety. Lewis and Clark documented their perilous expedition across America, often crediting themselves for accomplishments that Sacagawea made possible.

Anne Frank’s diary remains one of the most powerful accounts of World War II, while Captain Robert Falcon Scott’s tragic Antarctic expedition journal records his crew’s slow demise. George Orwell’s wartime reflections foreshadowed the dystopian world he would later immortalize in 1984.

Frida Kahlo’s diary blends art and anguish, much like her paintings. Virginia Woolf’s introspective musings shaped modern literature. Meanwhile, Meriwether Lewis and Albert Einstein documented their adventures—one mapping America, the other mapping the universe (and struggling with chopsticks).

Each of these figures left behind words that continue to inspire, entertain, and—when read with a satirical eye—highlight the humor in even the most profound human experiences.

1. Christopher Columbus’ Journal (October 12, 1492)

“Today, I discovered a brand-new world! Well, technically, the people here already knew about it, but let’s not split hairs. I declared it ‘Spain Junior’ and planted a flag, which means it’s ours now. The locals seemed unimpressed, possibly because I told them they were now ‘Indians.’ They insisted they weren’t, but what do they know? Also, the crew keeps asking when we’ll find gold. I told them to be patient—conquering takes time! In unrelated news, I have no idea how to get back home.”

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2. Samuel Pepys’ Diary (September 2, 1666)

“London is on fire. Again. I should probably do something about it, but I’m currently too busy stuffing my wine into a hole in the backyard. Priorities, you see. The king’s men are tearing down houses to stop the flames, which is a bit like curing a headache by decapitation, but who am I to judge? Also, my wig smells like smoke now. Tragedy upon tragedy.”

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3. Lewis and Clark Expedition Journals (November 7, 1805)

“After months of trudging through uncharted wilderness, dodging bears, and eating things that should never be eaten, we have finally reached the Pacific Ocean. Clark wept with joy. I wept with exhaustion. Sacagawea rolled her eyes. She’s been saying for weeks, ‘Just follow the river,’ but did we listen? No, we had to make it complicated. Anyway, we are now officially ‘discoverers’ of a place that already has people living here. Manifest destiny is a wild concept.”

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4. Anne Frank’s Diary (July 15, 1944)

“People keep saying, ‘Things will get better.’ I’d love to believe them, but have you met people? The world outside is a mess, but inside this annex, it’s mostly hunger and awkward silences. Peter and I had another deep conversation today. By ‘deep,’ I mean we stared at each other until it got uncomfortable. If this war doesn’t end soon, I might have to start charging for therapy sessions. Even in hiding, teenage angst persists.”

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5. Captain Robert Falcon Scott’s Diary (March 29, 1912)

“Well, this is awkward. We trekked all the way to the South Pole, only to find a Norwegian flag already planted here. Turns out, Amundsen beat us to it. Fantastic. The crew is slightly frostbitten, morale is low, and the sled dogs have made it clear they think we’re idiots. I wanted to leave a nasty note for Amundsen but couldn’t feel my fingers enough to write. We begin the return journey tomorrow, assuming we don’t freeze into human popsicles first.”

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6. George Orwell’s Diary (September 3, 1939)

“Britain has declared war on Germany. Again. We do love our traditions. It feels like we’re living in a dystopian novel, except I haven’t written it yet. I suspect when I do, people will think it’s a warning, but I bet governments will just use it as an instruction manual. I should probably write this idea down before someone else beats me to it. Also, ran out of tea this morning. Dark times indeed.”

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7. Frida Kahlo’s Diary (1953)

“Woke up, painted something surreal, cried a little, then painted some more. My spine hurts. My heart hurts. My paintings hurt. The doctors told me to rest, but I told them I’d rather die painting than die bored. They didn’t appreciate that response. Diego was being Diego again—loud, talented, and impossible. I think I’ll paint a self-portrait about it and make my eyebrows extra dramatic for emphasis.”

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8. Meriwether Lewis’ Journal (August 18, 1805)

“Met a Shoshone tribe today. They were incredibly kind, which is lucky because we are completely lost. Sacagawea, in what I can only assume was divine intervention, recognized the chief as her long-lost brother. She saved us again. If this expedition ever gets written down, I assume we’ll take most of the credit, but between us, it’s Sacagawea’s show. In other news, I ate a squirrel today. Not bad, but could use seasoning.”

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9. Virginia Woolf’s Diary (January 4, 1931)

“Writing is a relentless pursuit of meaning, a constant unraveling of the self, a—oh, who am I kidding, I just spent three hours staring at the wall, thinking about whether a lighthouse is a metaphor for existential despair or just a fancy lamp. Meanwhile, the critics will call it ‘genius’ regardless. I should write a book about how people only pretend to understand literature. Perhaps I’ll name it To the Lighthouse—it sounds poetic enough to be profound.”

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10. Albert Einstein’s Travel Diary (1922)

“Currently in Japan. The people are polite, the food is excellent, and I have discovered that physics does not help me with chopsticks. I attempted to explain relativity to a local fisherman today, but he seemed more interested in catching his dinner. Fair enough. Also, someone just told me I look like a ‘mad scientist.’ I pretended to be offended, but honestly, they’re not wrong. Must remember to stick my tongue out in a photo one day—it’ll be hilarious.”

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