Olo: Impossible New Color Is So Rare That Only Five People Have Seen It

Breaking News: “Olo” Color Discovered—Now You Too Can Experience Eye Surgery for Art

Impossible New Color Is So Rare That Only Five People Have Seen It

The future of art is… eye trauma?

In what can only be described as a revolutionary step forward in human visual experience, a team of researchers has unveiled a brand-new color that is only visible if you’re willing to undergo a little eye surgery. Yes, you read that correctly. A new color, born from the laboratory where lasers meet retina.

And it’s not just any color. This is “Olo,” the color you’ve never seen but desperately want to. After all, what’s better than a new color, right? Seeing it is a whole different issue—unless you’re fine with lasers being aimed at your pupils.

The Mysterious Birth of Olo

Let’s be clear: Olo is not some color you casually find at a fabric store or on your smartphone’s color palette. No, Olo is the color that can only be unlocked by lasering your retina with a precise frequency of light. Think of it like getting a tattoo inside your eye that nobody will ever see—unless you also have laser access and a high threshold for pain. Researchers have yet to figure out how to make Olo appear on a screen, but hey, we’re just happy they figured out how to mess with your vision.

“We needed a way to truly test the limits of human perception,” explained Dr. Colorfreak von Laserbeam, one of the lead researchers. “And what better way than to use lasers? After all, the world of visual art needed something completely inaccessible and possibly dangerous, but undeniably cutting-edge.”

“Olo” and the New Art of Exclusivity

In keeping with the spirit of the modern art world, the discovery of Olo has made it exclusively accessible to a select few. Only five people have actually seen Olo with their own eyes. In comparison, the number of people who’ve experienced true happiness without lasers is significantly higher. But we’re sure this exclusive club of Olo-spotters is already planning their own red carpet event, where only laser enthusiasts can enjoy it.

There’s a catch, though: you can’t just be any random person off the street. No, to see Olo, you must be willing to volunteer for a retinal scan that leaves your sight slightly altered forever. The process includes looking at a screen while a laser shines directly into your eye, in case you didn’t already feel like you were playing laser tag with your vision.

This sets a new precedent for art appreciation: “The more uncomfortable and obscure, the more important it is. If it requires lasers to experience, it must be a masterpiece!” said one art critic who’s still recovering from being blinded by a particularly avant-garde installation in Paris.

Olo vs. Your Average Color

Imagine the most beautiful, vibrant teal you’ve ever seen. Now, imagine a color so intense that even that teal looks like someone just splashed some beige on it. That’s what Olo is. It’s a teal on steroids, a color that challenges your basic understanding of visual vibrancy, while simultaneously making you wish you had never signed up for this experiment in the first place.

“We wanted to push the boundaries,” said Dr. Laserbeam. “We could have gone with more conventional methods, like adding a new color to the rainbow, but that would’ve been too easy. Instead, we figured, why not make it impossible to share with others? That’ll make it more meaningful.”

After all, Olo is not reproducible on any screen or canvas. So unless you’re willing to undergo the eye-watering process of laser-assisted retina tweaking, you won’t be able to gaze upon this elusive color yourself. It’s like an exclusive NFT of the color world, but with real, actual pain involved. Now, that’s art.

The Future of Olo: A New Era of Visual Disabilities

Of course, the next question is: What happens if you, too, want to experience Olo? Well, first off, you might want to consider how much you value your vision. But beyond that, the true value of Olo lies in its inherent exclusivity. As soon as this discovery catches on, we’re sure you’ll see luxury laser clinics opening their doors to wealthy patrons eager to get their retina zapped for the privilege of a color they’ll never be able to properly describe.

However, don’t get too attached to this dream. The same researchers who gave us Olo have already begun warning that repeated exposure to such cutting-edge colors could lead to significant eye strain, headaches, and possibly the entire loss of visual understanding—because, why not?

“This is a new era in visual art,” Dr. Laserbeam added, possibly joking, though it was hard to tell with the sun-shades he wore. “If you’re willing to sacrifice a little bit of your sight, you get to experience something completely unattainable. It’s the future. It’s sophisticated.”

So, in the future, when you see someone sporting a new color—one you’ve never seen before, and likely won’t ever get to—don’t be jealous. Instead, marvel at their willingness to accept a laser in the face to experience the one color that truly defines 21st-century art.

Disclaimer: This article was brought to you by the Olo Color Research Group, a subsidiary of Laser Visionary Enterprises. If you experience any side effects, please consult an optometrist and a lawyer.

15 Humorous Observations on the Discovery of “Olo”

1. Scientists have discovered a new color, “Olo,” that you can only see by lasering your retinas. Because nothing says “scientific breakthrough” like combining eye surgery with a magic trick.​

2. Only five people have seen “Olo,” making it the most exclusive club since the first rule of Fight Club. 

3. The researchers named the new color “Olo,” which sounds like a startup that delivers artisanal water to your door.​

4. To see “Olo,” participants had to bite down on a bar to keep their heads still. Because nothing enhances the experience of a new color like dental impressions.​Scientific American

5. The closest approximation of “Olo” is a highly saturated teal, which is also the color of every yoga studio logo.​The Guardian

6. This discovery proves that with enough lasers and determination, you too can see colors that don’t exist in nature. 

7. The experiment’s name, “Oz,” is fitting, as participants had to follow a yellow laser road to see the Emerald City of colors.​

8. One vision scientist contested the discovery, saying it’s just a more saturated green. Next, he’ll argue that unicorns are just horses with party hats. 

9. The researchers used lasers to stimulate only the M cones in the retina, because targeting the L and S cones would be too mainstream.​

10. This discovery opens the door to new possibilities in color perception, as long as you’re okay with a little retinal zapping.​

11. The participants described “Olo” as “jaw-dropping” and “incredibly saturated,” which are also common reactions to neon fashion from the ’80s.

12. The researchers emphasize that “Olo” can’t be reproduced on screens, making it the ultimate hipster color—impossible to share and cooler than your monitor.​

13. This breakthrough could help study color blindness and eye diseases, proving once again that lasers are the solution to everything.​

14. The discovery of “Olo” challenges our understanding of human vision, and also our willingness to let scientists point lasers at our eyes.​

15. If you want to see “Olo,” you’ll need access to a lab, a laser, and a high pain tolerance. Or you can just imagine a color that makes teal look like beige.​

What the Funny People Are Saying About “Olo”

“I went to see this new color, Olo. They said it’s a color beyond human comprehension. I said, ‘So like taupe, but expensive?’” — Jerry Seinfeld

“You know the color’s fancy when you need a laser pointer and a dental clamp to see it. My cousin uses the same setup to watch NASCAR.” — Ron White

“Scientists invented a color you can’t see on a screen. Great. Meanwhile, my printer still thinks magenta is a suggestion.” — Ali Wong

“I asked my wife if she wanted to see Olo. She said, ‘Only if it comes with margaritas and an eye patch.’” — Jeff Foxworthy

“So now colors are exclusive? I can’t afford blue anymore unless it’s in crypto.” — Nate Bargatze

“They named it ‘Olo’—which is either a new color or a Scandinavian sandwich.” — Leslie Jones

“I tried seeing Olo, but my insurance only covers the visible spectrum.” — Jim Gaffigan

“The scientists said Olo is teal, but more saturated. Yeah, that’s what every woman says before she re-paints the living room.” — Sebastian Maniscalco

“They said Olo can’t be printed. Bro, I still can’t print PDFs. I’ve been living in this colorless dystopia for years.” — Shane Gillis

“Lasers to the eyeball for a color? That’s not a discovery, that’s a Marvel origin story.” — Hasan Minhaj

“I asked the lab guy what Olo looked like. He said, ‘Imagine green, but it punches you in the soul.’” — Jo Koy

“Five people have seen Olo. That’s the same number of people who still believe Facebook cares about privacy.” — Michelle Wolf

“Olo can’t be recreated on a screen, just like my grandma’s meatloaf. Mysterious, painful, and leaves you with vision problems.” — Adam Sandler

“Scientists used lasers to reveal a new color. Meanwhile, my uncle’s using a flashlight to look for his dignity behind the couch.” — Sarah Silverman

“If a color can’t be seen without a laser… maybe it doesn’t want to be seen. Ever think of that, science?” — Dave Chappelle