What I don’t understand is why Sir Keir Starmer is not currently languishing in prison. Sewing mailbags, and worrying about shower time.
No. Not because of that.
Or that.
Or even that.
Though they are all very good reasons.
But because usually when a middle aged white guy has the temerity to announce his anger at the seemingly endless tsunami of illegal immigrants rocking up our shores he can expect a visit from Plod. To be swiftly placed under arrest. And carted off to choky in the back of a far right bandwagon.
And anger is exactly the emotion Sir Keir expressed last week. When he put on his concerned, grumpy, dad face to nasally announce,
“illegal migration…. makes me angry, frankly’’.
So how did Sir Keir manage to avoid falling foul of his own authoritarian, anti free speech government’s ever more draconian hate crime laws?
Maybe Ku Klux Keir was just lucky with his timing. He picked a moment to open his big xenophobic mouth when the police were simply too rushed off their feet, locking up middle class parents, for criticising the headteacher at their kids’ school, to notice.
To be honest, I’m surprised Sir Keir is even bothered about illegal immigration in the first place.
Judging from the last couple of weeks of panicked moralising, you’d think he’d be more concerned by threat of the Demogorgon from Stranger Things invading Britain from the Upside Down.
After all, our Prime Minister is clearly convinced everything he sees on Netflix is a documentary.
But no, Sir Keir is at pains to assure us that he takes the issue of illegal immigration very seriously indeed. So much so in fact that he invited delegates from over forty countries to London for the first ever, (and I’d predict the last ever), Organised Immigration Crime Summit.
Of course he did. This is the Labour way. Rather than actually doing anything about a problem, it holds a summit. Forms a committee. Sets up a talking shop. Creates an action group. Or launches an inquiry. Every. Single. Time.
Except, you know, that one time. When we actually wanted it to hold an inquiry.
To find out who was ultimately responsible for allowing the industrial scale rape of white, working class girls by Pakistani Muslim gangs, to continue unhindered for decades, in towns and cities up and down the country.
We were assured that on this one solitary occasion, no summit was required. No discussion was necessary. And we absolutely did not need to talk about it.
In fact, talking about it could lead to you to being branded a ‘far right thug’ and losing your job, your livelihood, or your liberty.
Opening the immigration summit Starmer wasted no time in identifying the real villains of this particular story.
Not the illegal immigrants themselves of course. They are innocents. Blameless victims of war, and evil free market globalisation.
Although now that Donald Trump has come out against it, previously hostile leftists, seem suddenly eager to reframe free market globalisation as an unalloyed good.
And the Stop The War mob now seem kind of keen on that whole armed conflict thing as well.
Just not when the Jews are doing it of course.
This progressive malarkey eh? It’s all so confusing.
Anyway. According to the PM the actual, real Baddies in this story are
‘the gangs who promise the dream of a better life to vulnerable people yet deliver a nightmare of squalid conditions’
Yeah, maybe not that squalid. I’ve seen the videos. And OK, some of them are in Wales.
But it’s a four star hotel with a full buffet breakfast, and taxis to and from the shops.
I know it’s not exactly up to the standards Sir Keir’s teenage son would expect from one of Lord Alli’s penthouses. But sorry guys, it’s pretty much the best the British taxpayer can (not) afford right now. So I’m afraid you will have to make do.
Warming to his theme
Sir Keir Starmer repeated his belief that people smugglers must be treated the same as terrorists.
Really? So I guess that means he’s going to give them a free council house each, pay benefits to their family, and lay on a friendly police escort so they can spend their weekends calling for jihad while marching down Whitehall.
Starmer even delivered his tough, unequivocal message while flanked by a pair of Union Jacks.
I have to admit I was somewhat taken aback. Seeing a senior government minister, let alone the actual British Prime Minister, standing next to anything but the Pride Trans Flag is frankly, a bit discombobulating.
Still, he clearly meant business. And in a direct address to the people smugglers, who for some unfathomable reason he assumes might use their downtime from packing fighting age men into dinghies like Syrian sardines, to watch this sort of thing, the PM warned
“We are breaking your business model.”
Great! Well if that’s the case Sir Keir, I’ve got an idea for you.
Why not put Rachel Reeves on it?
I don’t care what it says on her fake CV, she’s an absolute expert when it comes to breaking business models. Wrecking industries. And destroying money making schemes.
All you need do is hand Reeves the job of making the people smuggling economy ‘grow’.
And Hey Presto! Eight months later it will be completely bankrupt.
Like the British population, the people smugglers won’t have a pot to piss in.
Gangs. Smashed.
But forget my genius wheezes, Sir Keir has come up with his own brilliant brainwaves.
After decrying the Tories hated Rwanda scheme as unworkable, expensive, and inhumane, Sir Keir passed round a fact sheet detailing his own, very different, totally distinct, absolutely unique, and one-of-a-kind, plan.
Although on closer inspection, it turns out to be exactly the same scheme, just with the world ‘Rwanda’ crossed out. And the word ‘Albania’ written over it in crayon.
If you thought the Rwandan plan was nonsense. (And I did 👇) Then surely this new madcap scheme is even more daft.
Albanians currently represent by far the largest contingent of foreign criminals clogging up British prisons.
So why don’t we cut out the middleman, save the money on opening asylum processing camps in Tirana, and simply ban flights from Albania instead?
After all, if the crooks never leave Albania, we won’t have to spend millions and millions on legal aid, to not send them back again.
But don’t worry. A ridiculous plan to copy the Tories ridiculous plan is not Sir Keir’s only ridiculous plan.
He also intends to ‘boost enforcement’ by handing more powers to the police.
Which surely begs the question. How much more power do the police need?
When they already have the power to arrest mums for writing spicy posts on X, or to detain someone for praying silently outside an abortion clinic, you have to wonder how much more authoritarian they can get.
(Spoiler Alert: Much)
But on second thoughts, maybe Sir Keir is actually onto something.
While he’s handing out new police powers, perhaps Sir Keir could consider giving the Boys in Blue (And Girls in Blue of course. And now, even Xis in Blue) the power to arrest burglars, phone thieves, and shoplifters.
Powers which, judging from the current, lamentable, crime statistics, they clearly lack.
Starmer also highlighted how the UK is working with France and Germany. Claiming that these bilateral agreements are already ‘beginning to bear fruit.’
Well they are certainly bearing fruit for France. We’re paying the French border police £500m to essentially wave the dinghies off at Calais.
(Yup. I couldn’t believe that figure either so I double checked it. And yes. It turns out I was incorrect. We’re actually paying the French £576m.)
Essentially, we’re taking France’s illegal immigrants off their hands, and paying them hundred of millions of pounds for the privilege.
And you thought that the Chagos Islands was the economically illiterate British government’s most stupid deal.
But Starmer is not messing about. He’s even called in the big guns, with pinch faced misery magnet, Home Secretary Yvette Cooper, also in attendance at the summit.
According to the Telegraph, Coops is
considering rewriting human rights laws to prevent foreign criminals and failed asylum seekers from exploiting the European Convention on Human Rights (ECHR) to avoid deportation.
Great news. But why is she only ‘considering’ changing the law? Why not just do it?
And if anyone tells you it’s because it’s ‘too difficult’. It simply isn’t.
The government didn’t seem to have any trouble changing the law overnight when it put us all under house arrest during the covid fiasco.
And Parliament nodded through Theresa May’s brain dead Net Zero laws which Ed Miliband is currently using to eviscerate our economy, industry, and children’s future, in under ninety minutes.
So it shouldn’t be beyond the wit of man, (Unless that man is David Lammy) to change British law in such a way that makes it legal, and reasonably straightforward for us to deport foreign crooks, rapists and pedophiles.
Look, as ever I’m trying to be fair here.
And the good news is that after years of simply screaming abuse in the face of anyone who dared mention the subject, the Labour party is finally acknowledging that, at least on some level, illegal immigration is a problem. And not simply a programme of economic and cultural enrichment, for which we should all be grateful.
And it really is a problem.
A staggering one in twelve people in London is estimated to be an illegal immigrant.
While 6600 migrants have already crossed the channel on ‘small boats’ this year. Which is up on 2024 by about 40%.
Sure, some of these people are legitimate asylum seekers, I guess. But most simply aren’t.
Wherever you are on the asylum debate, it’s clear our country’s infrastructure simply cannot cope with these numbers.
We are currently spending £5.5m a day. A day!!! Keeping these people in hotels.
While our government has decided the rest must be fed, housed, and schooled at public expense. (I know he’s got a full beard and looks forty five. But he says he’s twelve. So short of inhumanely running any sort of quick, basic, non invasive, dental check, we’ll just have to take his word for it, and put him in a class full of fourteen year old girls)
Meanwhile British people are understandably aggrieved to learn that new arrivals, asylum seekers, illegal immigrants, irregular migrants, whatever you want to call them, are being given preferential treatment when it comes to housing, and unbelievably inevitably, priority access to NHS services.
It’s almost like our stupid, ivory towered elites are going out of their way to stir up anger, rancour, and resentment.
The progressive, pearl clutching left talks about how ‘no human is illegal’. And I absolutely don’t want to victimise anyone. I certainly won’t vilify the world’s poor for making what are, for them, perfectly rational choices.
If you can get to the UK and improve your life why wouldn’t you? The fact that our government Tory, Labour, whatever, is actively incentivising them to come by refusing to eliminate the pull factors, is clearly the real issue.
Of course the progressive elites love to claim that any policy that might conceivably halt, or even slow, illegal immigration, would breach ‘international law’.
But you can’t help feeling that ultimately all ‘international law’ really decrees, is that regular British people must always be treated like absolute mugs.
Because as ever, the people who suffer most from these open door policies are the poor, the old fashioned ‘working class’, people living in our most deprived communities, and regular hard working citizens.
The van driver. The shop worker. The builder. The dinner lady. The business owner, and the self employed.
Regular folk who are already having enough trouble, navigating the cost of living crisis, negotiating our crumbling, overstretched public services, coping with Rachel Reeves’ punitive, spiteful, tax regime, and falling victim to an epidemic of crime, in this basket case of a country.
Ultimately, despite the summits. The tough talk. The new laws. The performative ‘anger’. And the grandstanding. Our elites are lying to us.
Yet again.
Because just like every British government for the last thirty years, Keir Starmer’s Labour Party, will promise, hand on heart,-and it actually, honestly, properly, means it this time-to do literally ‘anything that works’ to stop the seemingly endless flow of illegal migrants.
Anything. With just two small exceptions.
It won’t eliminate the pull factors which bring them here.
And it wont deport them once they have arrived.
In fact our ruling elite’s only genuine innovation is to keep finding ever more draconian, authoritarian, and malicious ways, to enthusiastically punish, smear, and ostracise, anyone who has the gall to complain about it.
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Author: Low Status Opinions
Karen O’Blivious – Senior political correspondent who insists she’s neutral but only interviews people who agree with her.